Helplessly praying

The last time I felt this way about work must have been a little over two years ago. The thought of waking up getting dressed and heading to my office made me feel incredibly depressed. I don't want to do this. I think this morning was the first time in a while I used the word hate and meant it - I have tried to get that word out of my vocabulary, it's too negative; but this morning I told Sofie I hate my job. Really I do. Doing what you're good at or can do is certainly not the same as doing something you enjoy. I do not enjoy this work. I feel empty, unfulfilled, unmotivated. Man I hate this.

Just before I started this job some two plus years ago, I thought it was a blessing; the North Wind answering my prayers - and I suppose for a time it was. But now, I'm back to that place I was - miserable with my career path and lost as to how to hop off and find something I want to do. I remember the day I got the news I was going to be promoted like it was yesterday. I was driving to work feeling incredibly miserable praying for something different all the way to the office, when I got there the then Financial Controller met me in the parking lot and told me that I would no longer be working in my old unit. God answers prays that quickly, I thought. And now pressing three years, I'm back to that space where I do not want to be in this place. This is the longest I have worked in any one organisation - two three years max and I'm gone.

Right now, I could do with some change, change for the better. My salary is decent, though it could be better, the benefits are good, the hours are fine, and yet I'm unhappy here. I need another answer to my prayers - only this time I think I need to be a bit more specific with the big man. God send me a job that pays well, I enjoy doing, that will allow me to use whatever natural talent you have endowed me with and apply the knowledge and skills I have acquired over the years.

Yes it has gotten to that point. God helps those who help themselves, right now I feel helpless.