Strangers

He raises his glass slowly to his lips, mid conversation, mid observation - he's somewhat bewildered by the bevy of beauties abound; short dresses, long legs, thick legs, curvaceous bottoms, brown skin, dark skin, caramel skin - too much for one man's mind to assimilate; he allows his poison of choice to roll over his tongue down his throat as he inhales the many fragrances of woman and lets out a sigh. A man is only as faithful as his options, he thinks to himself. He turns back to his friends and continues the conversation about nothing, everything and the "surroundings" - more about the "surroundings" which at this time is everything worth discussing.

Something about this evening seemed to be poised to be a great one - one he will be talking about for some time to come. The atmosphere of the ocean front bar is alive tonight, intoxicating, It's beautiful out tonight, the cool breeze rolling off the ocean, covered by a blanket of luminous stars and a bewitching full moon, speakers pumping out tunes, drinks flowing - yes something about tonight will be memorable.

He rejoins the usual conversation about the "if I hold dat woman..." and passed tryst as the night passes along with their sobriety. Night has rolled to early hours of the morning, the lime and bravado gets more intense with each sip, each drink, each new face - over the speaker comes the Black Eyed Peas hit song "I got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night..." and the crowd joins in, "...tonight's gonna be a good, good night..." He gets up from his seat to make his way to the bar, it's his turn to make a round of drinks, and as he does his eyes meets with hers.

Temporarily paralysed by the drinks and the gem who just strolled in - he takes her in; red heels, thick, long, dark chocolate legs, black short shorts hugging her hips like a Spanish guitar, radiant red blouse with a plunging neck line revealing cleavage and just a bit of tummy. Oh my god! He thinks, she smiles at him; she caught him drooling - he recovers enough as she passes by to say good morning gorgeous, but she doesn't respond, she keeps smiling and walks over to an equally stunning group of women.

He continues the bar to get the drinks; he had almost gone back to his friends empty handed, so dumbfounded was he by this woman. He begins to order his drinks, one Campari, a Piton, two Hennessy - and a Vodka and Cranberry, says the voice to his back, he turns to see who could be so bold. The beauty that had not too long ago caused him temporary paralysis was standing behind him smiling broadly. He turned back to the bartender "you heard the lady" he said, he turned his attention back to this mysteriously stunning woman briefly, consuming her with his eyes, taking a mental photo - she did not shy away from his gaze; on the contrary, she was just as engaged taking her mental snapshots of him. As the drinks were placed in front of him, she reached over him slowly, bracing her left hand on his left shoulder and allowing her breast to press against him as she took her vodka and cranberry. Her touch was electric; he couldn't fight back the almost instant rise of his manhood.

She walked away with a rhythmic motion that hypnotized him with every move - she gave a slight look over her shoulder, just enough to see him out the corner of her eye, he was salivating. He'll come over to me she thought - it's just a matter of time. He returned to his friends, but he was no longer paying attention to their words - his focus had shifted away to her; they exchanged glances, smiles and winks while they occasionally took part in the conversations at their tables. They were having a conversation of their own which did not require words. There was only one topic they wanted to discuss. She got up and headed in the direction of the bathroom - he thought to himself, this might be the only opportunity I get for the night to speak to her unhindered, no friends, no ease droppers, less noise; "masai, I coming back jus now" he told his friends as he got up and strode in her direction.

She glanced over her shoulder in anticipation, just as she expected, she thought to herself, he's following me. She continued passed the bathroom and slinked round the corner and disappeared into the darkness. Where the hell did she go, he thought as he hastened his pace. He quickly moved passed the bathroom, round the corner then stopped - damn it! There was no sign of her. He continued hesitantly to what seemed to be the end of the building and peered around the corner into the darkness - he could barely make out a silhouette. Pssst! The sound came from the darkness. "Are you looking for me?" The voice sounded familiar - he searched is inebriated mind for a comparative voice, could it be her, it must be, he did not see anyone else head in that direction. "What if I were?" he replied to the silhouette. "If you were, then you found me" she said. He moved slowly in the direction of the voice. He was getting closer, the scent of her perfume grew stronger with every step he took, finally he could hear her breath - her breath hastened as he got closer, until he was standing right in front of her. "Now that I have found you, now what." he whispered.

She grabbed him and pulled him in close kissing him passionately - he returned her kiss with equal intensity. She moved her hands to his crotch, feeling his cock, throbbing and stiff with anticipation - his mind reeled, somewhere between disbelief and excitement. He grabbed hold of her ass and pulled her pelvis to meet his - he began grinding on her; dry fucking her. Their breathing quicken, they could barely contain the animal lust that was consuming them. He moved his lips away from hers and spun her around, so that he had full view of that gorgeous ass. He moved in closer and began kissing the nape of her neck, his left hand against the wall and his chest pressing against her back. Hurriedly he undid his belt, unfastens the button of his jeans and unzipped them. Excited by the sound of him dropping his pants, she pushed her ass back until she felt his stiff cock rest right between the crack of her ass and she began moving slowly up and down his cock.

It was as much as he could take. He reached around the front of her shorts and undid the button and zipper - he slides it off, hurriedly. Squatted at her ass, he began kissing and nibbling each butt cheek - then he came to his feet. She braced both hands against the wall, tilted her back forward while push her ass back and spread her legs slightly. He slipped on his condom quickly. Cock in hand he began rubbing it against her pussy - teasing her just a little, he motioned forward and back, forward and back, forward and back. "What the fuck! Give it to me now" she said through her teeth. That's just what he wanted to hear. He slid his cock deep into her wet warm pussy, aaaaah, she exhaled, as if having waited so long for this moment, that cock.

He grabbed hold of her hips and with every tug back on his cock he thrusted deep into her. The sound of the music blaring around the corner was all there was to drown out the sound of his pelvis slapping against her ass, and the groans of ecstasy come from them. His cock slipped in and out of her pussy faster and deeper with every stroke, with the intermittent long slow stroke. Fuck this felt good, her pussy was dripping and he was doing all that he could to make this moment last longer. He stopped for a second attempting to delay his ejaculation, she was having no part of that, she wanted to feel his cock moving inside of her, she wanted to feel that cock explode now. She began fucking him, moving herself up and down the length of his cock, damn, it felt good, her waist began rolling and in like fashion his cock moved inside her, she moved faster now pushing back harder against his cock. "Fuck that pussy baby, fuck it hard." He returned his hands to her hips and began thrusting deeper inside her, "yes, yes, like that fuck me, fuck me...oh fuck, fuck, I'm cumming, shit I'm cumming baby...aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" The sound of her coming excited him he felt his cock begin to pulse and contract, his thrust became even deeper and faster, "fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm...ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh! Their knees buckled and his weight collapsed against her back. It was an intense orgasm. He withdrew his cock from her slowly still breathing heavily, he bent over to pull his pants up.

She too was putting her pants back on and straightening up herself so that she could unassumingly emerge from the darkness. While he was still fumbling in the darkness she began making her were back - "hey wait, I never got your name", he blurt out. "I never gave it" she replied. She never broke stride, didn't stop, didn't turn back, she just kept walking, back to the light, the music, her drink and her friends. His mouth fell open. He was in disbelief. He did the same. "Garson, weh you come from since de time." asked one of his friends. "Boy if I tell you you would not believe."

Can't always get what you want

It's 5am and I'm seated at this damn computer - I've been up wide eyed but not bushy tailed for maybe an hour, my thoughts won't allow me to rest. My eyes burn, my head hurts, but sleep has abandoned my on the shores of consciousness. Why? Sofie said I had a type A personality, which means I have a tendency to stress about things - that would not be my view about myself, then again I have long since learnt that I'm still learning about myself as the time passes by.

We recently acquired a piece of land, we're thinking about building sooner rather than later given the steady increases in the price of materials. The thought of building is a bit more daunting than I had anticipated, I did not anticipate it to consume my mind - more specifically the cost, can we afford it. Can we afford comfortably the monthly repairs for the house we want and still maintain our current lifestyle? I realized a couple years ago that I can afford a lot more than I thought I could, and I told myself never second guess yourself about going after what you want, however I have not always been able to do as I say. A real pain in the ass. Then there is the less important thought not allowing me rest of repairing the damages to my vehicle, which was caused by an absent minded driver on Friday. I'm less concerned about the cost of the repairs than I am about the inconvenience it will cause me.

And the more minor thoughts kept coming, what the plan for work, the gym, the weekend, the week. The thoughts just kept coming. All I want to do is sleep, at this point it is too late for that - I have resigned myself to finding some entertainment until the rest of the house wakes.

Pieces

Who am I, I ask this question every now and then and every now and then I think I have the answer. Is who I am who I want to be, is who I am who I made myself to be - did I volunteer into this persona or was it spontaneous happenstance. Is everything I am me or am I pieces of her and him, you and they - their joys, pains, flaws and faults - the things that make them loved, hated, feared and revered. Am I me or am I pieces of everyone I know.

Sweet music

If music be the food of love/life then play on - truer words have never been spoken. I love and appreciate all genres and eras of music (that I have heard), yes, even country. They all communicate something; a moment, an experience - music is an expression of life; be it about heart break, love, lust, lost, sex, drugs, violence; it puts words and sound to these experiences.

Music sometimes allows me to express emotions and thoughts that give me a bit of difficulty to corral. One of my favorite songs is "My way" by Frank Sinatra; for the simply reason that I like doing things my way and I try to live my life with few regrets (good and not so good choices). But today I was reminded of another classic which I like - it seems to speak to me with more frequency of late; it is 'to all the girls I've loved before" by Julio Iglesias. Loved in this context having double meaning (edited for public consumption and unedited for private use) and the girls/women walking through my life being platonic and otherwise.

I hope this is not considered copy right infringement, but I feel compelled to share the lyrics of this song:

To all the girls I've loved before
Who travelled in and out my door
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before

To all the girls I once caressed
And may I say I've held the best
For helping me to grow
I owe a lot I know
To all the girls I've loved before

The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away

To all the girls who shared my life
Who now are someone else's wives
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before

To all the girls who cared for me
Who filled my nights with ecstasy
They live within my heart
I'll always be a part
Of all the girls I've loved before

The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away

I could not have said it any better if I tried - it is a masterful song. At first I misread some of the lyrics as I was thinking of moments in my life - but that just reinforces my point about music and life. Indeed, if music be the food of love/life play on.

Living in cliches

There are plenty examples of contradiction in life - in both actions and words; it's a toss up between where there are more, i.e. words or actions. Do as I say not as I do; the only constant in life is change - the more things change the more they remain the same; history repeats itself - experience is the greatest teacher; and the list goes on.

I'll pause on the last one. If history repeats itself, one would surmise that nothing was learnt from the past - from the experience, in which case history would indeed repeat itself. However, if experience is the greatest teacher, one would expect that history would not repeat itself - it would seem logical. So which is it?Is it that if I fucked up once and I learnt from that fuck then I won't fuck up again; is it no matter what I will fuck up again because history is doomed to repeat itself; or perhaps there is a third possibility, I learn from the past but I will still fuck up, just not as bad this time around.

While it is probable that I will fuck up the possibility of me fucking up with the same magnitude is something totally different. But I suppose only history will tell, right.

Risk Management

My nephew who is as close to me as a brother, some years ago asked me what can a man do to prevent his girl from cheating on him - I told him then nothing. My thinking/feeling has not changed significantly since then - perhaps I have refined it a bit; but by and large the gist of my statement has not changed.

Ultimately whether your partner cheats is not up to you. I view cheating as an inherent risk - the likelihood of an adverse event. In business it is important for management to carry risk assessments and manage risk to safeguard the assets of the company. Though it may seem to be some what of the objectification of another human being; it is necessary for my purposes at this time.

With risk management there are but three things you could do; eliminate risk, mitigate risk, or accept risk. Remember though, in the context of human being you can only (with out force or coercion) control yourself. Everyone has the propensity for infidelity i.e. inherent risk, thus if it is inherent and we can not control our partners then it stands to reason that the risk of infidelity can not be eliminated - by extension if you accept that the risk can not be eliminated and you still opt to "commit" (commit is relative in the context of a relationship and subject to my definition) to another individual then you accept the risk of infidelity.

We are left now with only one possible course of action, risk mitigation. People "stray" for any number of reasons - none more justified than the other, but we do it anyway. With risk mitigation you employ strategies that while it may not eliminate the risk/chances of your partner straying will reduce the likelihood to a reasonable acceptable level - of course this would vary from one person to another.

Risk mitigation techniques may included but are not limited to: spending quality time together(the definition of quality time varies with individuals, it is advisable that you have a good understanding of the other party before hand); be considerate to your partners needs and emotional states (some are more needy and emotional than others - depending on your tolerance level you might be better off just moving on to someone less needy and emotional); don't stop courting (best advice I ever got from a colleague - try to remember some of the things you did when you'll were still on the cocaine high; every now and then fuck in the car; pay each other compliments, etc); don't take your partner for granted (this is a tricky one, because if they are emotional and needy everything you do or do not do would be considered taking them for granted); and of course my favourite, pass the sex (it is expected that the frequency of sex would decrease as you come down from the cocaine high - but it should not come like a bank statement; once a month or only on request) pass it, doh do shat.

Clearly it has been a few years since that conversation and experience has taught me much - my response to my nephew now though refined (or elaborate take your pick) still remains the same; there is nothing you can do to prevent your partner from cheating. But you can reduce the likelihood and impact with a few strategic measures.

Filing loot

I came across this while filing today (by the way I dislike filing - hence I have not done it in a year); the author is unknown. I wanted to get rid of the paper but I liked the poems so I figured I would reproduce it here, and hope I'm not sued later.

All I ever did

All I ever did was love you
Why did you have to make me blue?
I never asked for much
But just a soft warm touch

All I ever did was miss you
So why couldn't you miss me too?
Thoughts of you were with me all day
But of menot for a minute would you let them stay

All I ever wanted was to be your boo
Why couldn't you just let me be with you?
You just had to treat me great
Because only on your request would I be late

All I ever wanted was to be in your arms forever
But no!!! I should have been a lil more clever
Your kisses, not even in a dream would I resist
But your love never began, while mine just won't cease

All I ever needed were true kisses
Why couldn't they tell me I was missed?
Not even a hug, you'd bother just give me
So finally, from your memories I will flee

It matters not

It matters not the distance between us
But the level of our trust

It matters not how often we speak
But the excitement in the convo, that's the trick

It matters not the time we spend together
But the language of the feeling felt, never or forever

It matters not the tears I've cried
But the fact that my sweetie is still by my side

It matters not the trouble we've been thru
But the joy that I feel because you're still my boo

It matters not the sleepless nights I've had
But the promise you made to always make me glad

It matters not just saying you love me
But the way you explain it when you do kiss me

Axis of Evil

I highly suspect there are a few if not many people who believe me to be latently evil in one way or another. While I admit to having some pretty twisted thoughts along with breaking a commandment or few, to say or think that I'm evil seems a bit extreme. Then again to the highly religious if I scream out "Oh God" at the point of my climax that would be considered a sin punishable by stoning.

I got into this long discussion about good and evil, the devil and god with a colleague earlier today; no doubt after realising the errors of his ways he thought I should reexamine my life. I try to respect every ones life choices and I expect that people would do the same when it comes to me - but that would be asking alot. We are not all cut from the same cloth and are not all expected to walk the same path. The North Wind in his/her wisdom gave me the ability to choose my path, being cognisant of the consequences of the path I choose. Why won't mere man allow me to walk that path with out handing me a map to their path - I don't need a map to point me to the east, if where I want to go is west.

The religious have a hard time following the directions on their own map. Revelations 20:8 says "He will go out to deceive Gog and Magog, the nations in the four corners of the earth, and gather them for war. They will be as numerous as the grains of sand on the seashore." I'm no bible scholar but it seems to me that there will be alot of evil people to fight this war of the ages. Didn't the religious nuts read this part of the bible - didn't they understand that there must be evil; it is the natural balance of life. If we were all good there would be nothing to fight for, nothing to aspire to, nothing to even let you know that the life you are living is good. Evil is necessary; day can not exist without night and vice versa, humans are inherently endowed with the propensity for good and evil acts. The important thing is maintaining the balance.

Funny this discussion about god, the devil, good and evil stemmed from a conversation about infidelity. I can only deduce then that to cheat is to be evil - the new axis of evil is in my pants.

The plot

Sofie stumbled across this, I wrote it some time ago (and some how I don't think I posted it), I can vaguely recall what inspired it, but I'm sure I got some pleasure from my muse.

The devilish grin moves across my face, I know what it means. I can hear the cogs of my mind turning; when, how, where. The thoughts of mischief quickens my pulse, excitement flushes my body; the plotting begins. Careful moves with calculated outcomes; how do I get what I want, where I want and how I want it. Ah! It's coming to me like it often does - the grin is internalized to hide it from peering eyes. Aha! Soon I will relish/revel in the moment I have created.

2010 - the beginning

2010, it's here and so far it has had a fabulous start - better than recent past. I don't know exactly what this year will bring and how, but I'm sure this year will be better than the last. 2009 was a good year, I dear say great - drama free, fun and prosperous; I have truly been blessed. This year started with family, friends, partying and cash in my pocket - that could only be signs of better days. I have but one plan for this year - build on from the last; I have not given it more thought beyond that - no planning, just go with the flow. The new year has began, I can't wait to see what lays ahead.