I'm not mad

A colleague said to me recently I need Jesus, therapy and pills, that was after reading a few of my postings . Apparently there is some in-congruence between the blog postings and the person she has interacted with - she would not be the first person to make that observation; truth be told when I re-read some of my postings I wonder whether I wrote it myself.

Perhaps I have multiple personalities, or maybe it is I just show people what I want them to see - psychologist may refer to this as self presentation - Johari's window rings a bell. I started on a path of self discovery some years ago and since the beginning of this journey I have taken many detours - perhaps these detours are part of the discovery. Somewhere along this path I stumbled upon the ability to express myself in black and white. Some of the things I would say between these lines I may probably never utter in public - may be it is for the very reason my colleauge so eloquently stated (it might become widely accepted public perception).

The thing is when I'm here, I'm here, there is nothing but my thoughts and feelings pouring out onto the page; no pretense. This blog has allowed me to accept most of me - the good and the not so good (my yin and yan - no one is one sided). I try to alter the not so good sometimes, cognizant that it can grate on the last vein of even budha. But budhist spend their life on the journey to nirvana - I would like to think that a budhist would agree you can't find nirvana until you are at peace with the pieces of yourself.

I am grateful for these many moments of clarity which I experience - especially when not prompted by yours truly.