Unborn

I lost a part of me today and I don't know how I feel about that. It was taken rather than lost. I had no control over what was taken - a mere observer. My emotions were mixed about the events that unfolded; it seemed inevitable - in my mind I ran through the possible scenarios, including the worst (but silently hoped for the best).

The difficulty I face is how I feel about today - believe it or not, part of me was annoyed and a bit angry at myself for not standing my ground, allowing compromise - for not being more selfish. Yet another part of me felt relief, a chance to start over; still a part of me felt disappointment. But I can't say I felt sad or hurt - was I suppose to? I don't know. I don't want to jump for joy at what happened today; but I can't weep for the loss either. Is that normal? What is normal?

Life goes on, but with every experience life gets altered just a bit - I suppose I will find out as the time passes how this experience alters my life. I had not had time to grow particularly attached to that part of me, so perhaps I will not feel the loss too much. But today I lost and it has changed where and how I go from here.