Tired of disappointment

How many times must I be thrown from my saddle, how many times must I experience disappointment, how many times must I be taken to emotional lows? I grow tired of the plateau, I am in need of a high, a sense of fulfillment - accomplishment. It eludes me, and that distresses me. I am stuck in a rut of my own making - but I am clueless as to how to get out. I need to re-focus my energy on me, everything else needs to become secondary, if only for a time; I must get off this plain. Once again, I must pull myself together and press on - it is tiring.