Plant a Seed

This piece was written by one of my few genuine friends (I can count them on one hand) - my brother from another mother. Thanks for being there for me through the shit - I hope I can return the favor someday.

I planted a seed the other day
Oh how long it’s been since that day
So much time has passed away but
Yet it still feels like only yesterday

Now what you reap is what you sow
I am happy that I am the one who knows
How sweet it is when that seed grows
So I enjoy and move solo

But as I went on planting to and through
I had to let my brother know
That planting seeds is the perfect way
For love at home to grow and stay

So plant a seed all you like
But when at home never strike
That your seeds may always grow
In the vine yard where the sheep SLU and Marlo

Passing Cloud

She left and the rain came down
This faceless dame, she's been around
The past passed by, not so much as hi
Tempering the storm inside

Funny how black fades to gray
Before it all just fades away
We say what we think in a moment of haste
Or do we
Not thinking for a moment, what haste
What we want of little interest
But what we need is always best

Glimpse

A glimpse, that's all I got
To ponder in my thoughts

That sun kissed skin
That radiant smile
That gait that swings those hips, those thighs

A glimpse, that's all I got
To ponder in my thoughts

A chance glance, A fleeting high
Coming down, a dreadful sigh
A look from eyes possessed
With memories of flesh enmeshed

A glimpse, that's all I got
To ponder in my thoughts

My thoughts with desire rife
Pondering on that heavenly sight
Voluptuous curves, seductive grace
Yearning for a little taste

A glimpse was all I got
I've pondered on the thought

These thoughts have laid my mind to waste
Thinking of that warm embrace
That hungry kiss, that blissful moan
Why these thoughts won't leave me alone

A glimpse, was all I got
Damn it, I want that thought

Not Angel Gabriel

I decided earlier tonight to do some reading - I started this book Rum Justice by Jolien Harmsen sometime before carnival and just before my marriage vacation started - I need not tell you that I only managed at most ten pages over 5 weeks. So after more than a month of liming, it just made sense to pick up the book again (it's a good book, but carnival was a better story), besides which, my brain feels a bit dull - and what better way to start sharpening the mind but with a good book. That was the plan (you know what the say about plans right), but after a couple hours of conversation with Sofie, I felt compelled to blog - just for a short while.

A couple things occurred to me while we were talking 1.) we have come a long way from last year; and 2.) at all cost avoid conversations with my wife after I have had a bottle or two to drink (honestly, I was not counting - but I figure I must have had alot to drink on carnival Monday - though I will swear that I was sober in a court of law). Loose lips sink ships (remember that saying) - ok, my ship was not sunk; but let's just say I took some water on board. What the fuck was I thinking? Oh, hold on, I was not thinking. My brain at the time was firing on Dewars 12, mixed with Piton, Campari and Rockstar.

As I type this, it is slowly coming back to me - I vomited, not food, not alcohol; but some of the details of a not so long forgotten past. A past filled with pain, anger, resentment and all manner or negative feelings - funny, (not in a haha sense) in my state of inebriation that was the best conversation (at least in my convoluted, spirit filled mind) that we have had in a long time about what now seems to be the darkest days in our relationship to date (not that I'm anticipating or want any darker days to follow). It may sound odd, but I am thankful for that dark period - yes, perhaps we could have done without it, and Allah, God, the north wind, Jehovah (take your pick) knows I do not wish to relive it or any similar manifestation of that time; but it made us stronger - it gave me a better sense of what is real and what is not - it allowed me to discover my ability to express myself in black and white - and above all it made me realise (at least for now) that I made the right decision to ask Sofie to stick by my miserable ass for as long as she can; which by my estimation is longer than most women would be able to.

I don't know that we will be together till death do us part, no one knows what the future holds, I can only speak for the now - and for the now, I do not regret that decision I made on 17 December 2005. We've had more than our fair share of ups and downs in that short space of time - and in all honesty, most of the downs were my doing; I'm an asshole, I know, (I should get points for recognising that) all I can do is try to improve on the asshole as the time passes. An asshole today is still an asshole tomorrow, just a bit grayed and wrinkled with time - but even assholes need love.

So thank you for loving this asshole - sober and not so sober. We know I am no Angel Gabriel and far from a heavenly dream - but I am not always a nightmare.

Escape

So it's over. And unlike some revelers I do not wish it was twice a year or that it was for the entire week. It is done and it has served its purpose - well for me at least. For the season, I was "like a jumbie" caused plenty "rucshun" all while looking "funny funny funny". I reveled, I went through my metamorphosis (grow the hair - lime hard; colour the hair - fete hard lime more; cut the hair - start to purge, fete no more lime less) and came out on the other end ready to face the world and the rest of the year in my temporary skin. The culmination of the season was my catharsis. That old half year jumbie pounding at my back done gone - I can now look forward to a new manifestation of the same ole jumbie for the other half of the year; but I can face it with renewed spirits, new energy, and a new phrase or two to keep it at bay - "I doh care" - "doh do dat".

Undoubtedly I will find new angst, annoyances, peeves, irritations, elation, sensations, desires - and the list goes on; or they might be the same shit just on a different day and/or slightly modified, but at least I had this - carnival. My escape, this was the most silent my thoughts have been in a long time - damn it takes alot to get them to be still. I am thankful for the escape - it brought balance and appreciation for what I came through over the last year.

So I'm back - certainly not back to where I left off; I'm not quite certain where I'm back to - perhaps a new page or a new chapter in my life; but I'm back to my life. HOORAY!!!

Phoenix

I may have gotten three or four hours of sleep, my eyes are red like molten lava, my ears still ring from the blaring music that pumped out of the speakers, but I'm up, alert, alive.

Sleeping at this time of year is optional - sleep does not elude me like in the months past. I am not kept awake by feelings of rancor or dismay. At this time of year I play catch me if you can with the sandman - though he seems to be gaining some ground.

Color me Red was great - the venue was way too small and the bar was in a hot mess; and after a while the place smelt like feet, but damn it I had fun. I'm a real reveler, and be it a Red fete, Just for Fun fete, any fete, I will get it good and have a time.

Carnival is my purging time, I go through a process, a transformation, and after carnival I am reborn - ready to face the rest of the year. It's like the phoenix rising from the ashes. This carnival season has more significance for me, last year and earlier this year it seemed like I crashed and burned; but I'm ready to rise. I've enjoyed every single day from before the official launch of the season, and every day as the climax of the season draws near the outings become more intense, the people seem more intoxicated with the atmosphere and the desire to release the angst of the year at its cusp.

What a year I have had so far, filled with consternation, anger, sadness, elation, triumph, relief. It has been testing; but I would not trade a single day - and on the other side of this year I see nothing but great things; so I gladly sprint forward into the rest of this year on the other end of catharsis carnival Tuesday.

Departing at Room 4

Death is unbiased - it shows no favor to anyone. To death we must all pay our debt. Death in the most tragic of circumstances is an emissary of mercy. It shows clemency to the weary, frustrated, hurt, defeated. The reaper takes away all pain, all fear, all worry.

Death never operates by our schedule, and doubt it as we may, it is always on time. It comes to pick up our loved ones and leaves behind a void; seldom do we rejoice at the arrival of death and the departure of the people we love.

Death arrived yesterday, and with it, it took a friend, sister, mother, aunt, fiance. The sadness associated with death has always been something remote for me, but yesterday, it could not be escaped - it touched me. I watched the pale skin and lifeless body of a friend lay on a hospital bed - I barely recognised this once vibrant woman I knew with an incredible joie de vivre.

She looked peaceful with death, her fight now over, there will be no more pain for her. And when the grieving stops - I hope we realize that yesterday, death again was on time. Saffy lived her life to the fullest and did not go silently into the night.

Rest in Peace Saffy.

One more day

One more day to see her face
One more day for her embrace
One more day to see her smile
One more day, I'm so beguiled
One more day I must wait
For that sweet day, it is my fate

One more day to have her taste
One more day to feel her shake
One more day I'll gladly wait
To have my manhood laid to waste
One more day for her return
To this bloke that she still yearns

One more day to hear the sound
Of sensual obscenities from lips unbound
One more day to feel her flesh
Quivering from each caress
One more day to hear her moan
One more day, she'll soon be home

Marriage Vacation

My temporary bachelorhood, is coming to an end, while I enjoyed the time alone, it is clear to me that I could not really be a "bachelor." I'm a sucker for relationships. The last few weeks have given me an opportunity to do me better - I met people, got new liming buddies and had a blast. I'm not terribly sadden that it is over; it allowed me to learn more about myself, and I always appreciate learning more about me. It gave me the opportunity to interact with colleagues outside of work and to meet new people; albeit under the influence of music, vibes and rum. I thought to myself yesterday, I am so going to enjoy the culmination of carnival on Monday and Tuesday. This is the first time I actually had this thought (or at least with such conviction).

Though there will be plenty people I know around me (they are not my regular jumping up buddies - albeit there only two or three of them at most), it will be a different jump - but different is not always bad. I want this experience - I would love if Sophie would play mas but it is unlikely; but at the same time, if she doesn't, it's ok, because I don't mind this experience. The last few weeks, liming, feteing, has shown me that I can have a great time alone - especially around carnival time; but it is so much more fun with people, more so with people that love carnival time.

So, my time as a pseudo bachelor is done, it was fun while it lasted, but it cemented in my mind that it is not something I would do the rest of my life - at least not in the strictest definition of the word.

But I could so do it every carnival.

Almost scared shitless

For years now I have been waiting to see a movie that scared the shit out of me - or at least scared me a bit; and year after year I kept being disappointed with the offerings of Hollywood. Everything so predictable, more gore and hype than scary. But last night, yes, finally, I saw a movie that had me scared; though not through the entire thing, but yeah, finally. The use of simple effects, lighting, shadows, sound, suspense, was enough to on occasion have my heart go just a couple beats faster and give me chills - it was enough to startle me every now and then, and make me want to scream like a little girl. That bloody movie had me scared - freaking creepy; all the way back home those images were vivid in my head, for a minute I thought I saw Mrs. Ganush's handkerchief on my windscreen - I so needed a drink after that movie. It was fabulously scary to me and I am so going to watch it again. Drag me to hell, it gets my two thumbs up. Frigging awesome