Reflection

Ever so often we need to take a moment to take stock of our life, where we’ve been, where we’re at and where we want to go. Truth be told in my younger days I did a lot of that, it was my time of self discovery – if I am to be honest, I have not done that sort of introspection in quite a while, and it is not to say that I have arrived at the point where I thought I would have been when I started my journey of self discovery years ago. I have prodded along life, content, resolute with the present; perhaps that is enough for me, perhaps it is not, but I stopped questioning where I’ve been, where I am and where I want to go long time ago.

Is this contentment? Is it lack of drive? I am not sure to be honest. Should I want more? In the last year and a half I have had occasion to reassess aspects of my life, both personal and professional – the latter being less complicated to deal with, the former, let’s just say it is organic, fluid even, ever changing, never dull. Professionally, I am in a better place, I no longer peel myself off the bed like stale chewing gum stuck beneath that lunch table, trying to convince myself to get to work; now when I have to peel myself off the bed to go to work it’s just because I am as exhausted as a hooker who has worked the strip all night and now has to go to her day job. That is not to say where I am professionally now is my ideal job, but it is a refreshing change from the torment I put myself through for the last few years.

On the personal front, man that requires a few chapters – suffice to say, I made it through the storm. My personal trials taught me that I am emotionally and mentally stronger than I thought I was, it taught me that I am comfortable with throwing conventional wisdom out the door, and that though ostensibly inconceivable, there is duality in duplicity – happiness can be a convoluted labyrinth. Yes, like I said, on the personal front…requires a few chapters.

So, where am I? I am in a good space, mentally emotionally, that is not to say it is without its stumbles – but I have learned to pick myself up and dust myself off much quicker and come back from whatever knocked me down, better, stronger. Where do I want to go? Having put these few words to screen I realize that the answer to that question has not changed from so many years ago. I still want to be a better man, that is incredibly broad, yes, I want to be a better father, better friend, better sibling, better lover – I just want to be a better human being, I want to be the type of man that when I leave this earth I will be deeply missed by everyone I was close to and be thought of fondly by everyone I had ever interacted with. I think I will be just fine. Live, Laugh, Love.

VII

I have not been inclined to put words to paper, or in this case to screen for some time, largely because I have not felt emotionally tormented and in the need to evicted the thoughts from my head before it lays waste to my mind. My posts have been largely melancholic with a sprinkle of eroticism, lightly flavoured with pseudo-intellectualism – sometimes bordering on profound.

The years have brought with them change and growth, moments of learning and introspection, self-doubt and acceptance – it seems a never ending journey to betterment, but I suppose that is why it is “life’s journey” and not life’s destination. These few lines remind me of another reason why the glow of the screen and the birth of my words on it appealed to me – I am far better at expressing myself through my musings; it’s part of me I discovered along my journey, it’s a part of me I enjoyed, it’s a beautiful part of me that I miss.

So in the spirit of momentous journeys, let this one continue, let it be written for posterity – I am more than meets the eyes.

Wake Up

Wake Up

He rolls over, spent with barely enough energy to remove himself from between her legs - his breathing slowing, cock still throbbing and wet from her pussy. She slowly stretches out her legs, her hands drop to her side, eyes shut, her chest rises and falls with her breath - her breath still warm escaping her lips. Her body blanketed in beads of sweat, the light from the incandescent bulbs in the bathroom hit her skin projecting an aura of sexually gratification. He looks over at her, smiles; he has temporarily sated her desire.

His eyelids now heavy he struggles to keep them open, he drifts of to sleep, that sweet after sex sleep, the kind that only follows intense exhilarating sex, it always seems instant and deep. His body gets heavier as he drifts deeper into slumber, his erections slowly becoming flaccid.

As the stages of REM begin to grab hold, his slumber is pleasantly interrupted. Slipping in and out of consciousness he feels a warm moist sensation about his body - his eyes open a sliver, but there is uncertainty in his vision. A warm tone moves gently over his nipples, it's arousing but sleep is alluring.

Sleep calls him back to her arms and his eyes shut again; but not for long, once again his slumber is disturbed - he feels  the warm caress of his groin by her slender fingers; her fingers move up his shafted to the tip of his cock and back down, then snakes around his cock and slowly begins stroking.

Again his eyes open, a sliver, as they open she looks up at him and smiles, her tongue and lips move away from his nipple, lightly she kisses his cock, every lovely inch of his now engorged throbbing cock. She can feel the blood coursing through every vein on his cock. She opens her mouth and takes him in her, moving purposefully down his cock - she brings her mouth back slowly to the tip and spits on his cock, he feels her warm saliva ooze down his dick to his balls and it excites him further, his cock contracts in her mouth as his nut sack shrinks.

She knows he enjoys those sloppy blow jobs; she does it with willful intent and looks him in the eyes as his body arches in ecstasy with every stroke of her mouth, flicker of her tongue and dribble of saliva.

"Come fuck me, please, come ride my cock." She crawled up to him, straddled his pelvis, arched her back slightly cock in her ass up as she lowered her breast to his chest, she kissed his upper lip, then nibbled it.

As she kissed him again she lowered her pussy onto him, but not to pent rate her - she massaged her clip along the length of his cock with slow teasing gyrations. His cock pulsed as his toes curled. "You want it?" she whispered into his ear. "Yes" he replied. She moved her hand down between her legs and held his throbbing cock; she moved it along her pussy lips, he could feel her wetness, slowly she slides his cock inside her anxious pussy. They both sighed expectantly.

He reached his hands to her ass and grabbed it firmly, spreading it ever so slightly. She moved with precision up and down every inch of his dick, void of haste, deliberate with each stroke, each thrust of her hip - she was speaking to him with her body, telling him how much she missed and wanted that dick in her, filling her pussy, making it cream and pulse.

Her slow ascent and descent on his dick was augmented with intermittent pelvic grinds and gyrations - with every grind of her pelvis into his he thrust his cock deeper into her, this made her moan in ecstasy. He slapped her ass, and she smirked, she liked it when he slapped her ass - again, he slapped it, harder this time. Her gyrations become a bit more vigorous, her movement more intense, thrust deeper, she felt him deep inside her. "Fuck me" he said "fuck that cock, give it to me" he repeated as she began to slam her pelvis into his, harder faster, sending his cock deeper into her pussy with each thrust.

"Yes like that, let me feel that pussy." "fuck that cock like you want it". Her breathing got deeper as she fucked him harder, her nails now sinking into his chest, her sweat dripping from her onto him.

"Fuck it baby, fuck it..." Her moans became louder as she slammed her pelvis into his "oh fuck baby" the words struggling to leave her mouth as she moved faster, harder, pussy creaming more. "Baby, baby, I'm cumming baby" "yes" "don't stop, fuck that cock baby, harder, harder, fuck me."

"Oh fuck, fuck, baby, baby, I'm cumming...arrrggghhh"

She drops onto him, body quivering in waves of carnal gratification, sweat pouring - "fuck, your dick feels so good". She rolls off of him legs and arms spread, "love you" she mutters, then hurriedly she drifts off to slumber.

He lays there watching her, content. "love you too"

Emotional Warfare

Sometimes all you want to do is escape to a place where you do not exist - void of frustration, unhappiness, confrontation, emotional warfare.
A place where life does not haunt you, where you are totally free, your mind and heart at peace
At times the struggle between what we desire and what we are ascribed takes its toll on your soul
Gnawing at your mind, eating away slowly at your very essence
We were not meant to be like this - we were not meant to trod this road, treading precariously through the hidden landmines
Being human is undoubtedly fraught with complications that we are often ill-equipped to handle
Often it feels like being out in a desert - baron, aimless and clueless on the way out
Seemingly, the only way out, the only reprieve, lies in the abyss of dust and dirt

Sycophants

I need to escape the tedium of the monotonous sounds of familiar voices, the repetitive cacophony of problems and a dearth of solutions
Practice does make perfect the inability to resolve perennial conundrums

The repetition of over used idioms and adages, nothing more that fillers to dull the senses to be more receptive to fluff
The sound of voices of the many ostensibly brilliant minds jockeying for favor in a battle of sound bits - who sounds moderately more intelligent

The idiom spinning top in mud comes to mind every time these luminaries gather at the round table, a virtual kaleidoscope of illusions proffered by the collective disingenuous hoard
Minds pregnant with ideas unworthy of utterance, desperately in need of a mid-wife to birth them or a butcher to extricate them

God damn sycophants, scared of their own truth, they are unworthy to hold a seat of leadship

ACCA!!!

At last the moment arrived, in the most unexpected and un-glamorous fashion, but it arrived all the same. The end of this leg of what seemed to be a never ending journey, fraught with disappointment, angst, depression, jubilation, relief - quite an emotional roller coaster; but finally it has come to it's timely end.

It is seemingly coincidental and ironic that on the two occasions when I felt like throwing in the towel on this journey, I was simultaneously going through a tumultuous time in my personal life - the news came as a ray of light in the darkness.

Everything in its own time. This leg of the journey of my life has taught me much about myself and my character; most notable is my persistence, that never give up, get beaten down and get back up dust your self off and try again. I didn't think I could have been beaten down so many times and keep getting back up - if there is one thing this taught me is that I am stronger than I think.

I am thankful for the people who stood by my side during this part of my life, who never gave up on me, who had faith in my ability even when I had none in myself.

Now let the rest of my journey continue, with the knowledge that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.

O.P.P

Ah the disillusion of polygamous monogamy - an oxymoron if ever there was one. One truly can not exist in this state in equilibrium, there must be a flux of imbalance, disharmony. The volatile nature of conflicting personalities eventually cascades - there must be a bone of contention, implicit or explicit revolt to the spoken or unspoken arrangement. A cultural nuance tacitly accepted or verbosely denounced.

The deception of this taboo arrangement, the complicity of the unwilling participants - it is enough to drive the calmest and most level headed among us mad. Is this behaviour, nature, nurture or just plain old socialization? That's the way it is, that the way it will always be, seems to be a fleeting notion. It is difficult to go against the preposterous concepts of socialization which seems to contradict innate conditioning - the conditioning to lust; while social constructs dictate one arrest these desires.

Alas, everyone has to face down their demons, fight their battles on that subconscious plain - perhaps the battle is won by surrender; surrender to nature and not be imprisoned by choice.