Reflection

Ever so often we need to take a moment to take stock of our life, where we’ve been, where we’re at and where we want to go. Truth be told in my younger days I did a lot of that, it was my time of self discovery – if I am to be honest, I have not done that sort of introspection in quite a while, and it is not to say that I have arrived at the point where I thought I would have been when I started my journey of self discovery years ago. I have prodded along life, content, resolute with the present; perhaps that is enough for me, perhaps it is not, but I stopped questioning where I’ve been, where I am and where I want to go long time ago.

Is this contentment? Is it lack of drive? I am not sure to be honest. Should I want more? In the last year and a half I have had occasion to reassess aspects of my life, both personal and professional – the latter being less complicated to deal with, the former, let’s just say it is organic, fluid even, ever changing, never dull. Professionally, I am in a better place, I no longer peel myself off the bed like stale chewing gum stuck beneath that lunch table, trying to convince myself to get to work; now when I have to peel myself off the bed to go to work it’s just because I am as exhausted as a hooker who has worked the strip all night and now has to go to her day job. That is not to say where I am professionally now is my ideal job, but it is a refreshing change from the torment I put myself through for the last few years.

On the personal front, man that requires a few chapters – suffice to say, I made it through the storm. My personal trials taught me that I am emotionally and mentally stronger than I thought I was, it taught me that I am comfortable with throwing conventional wisdom out the door, and that though ostensibly inconceivable, there is duality in duplicity – happiness can be a convoluted labyrinth. Yes, like I said, on the personal front…requires a few chapters.

So, where am I? I am in a good space, mentally emotionally, that is not to say it is without its stumbles – but I have learned to pick myself up and dust myself off much quicker and come back from whatever knocked me down, better, stronger. Where do I want to go? Having put these few words to screen I realize that the answer to that question has not changed from so many years ago. I still want to be a better man, that is incredibly broad, yes, I want to be a better father, better friend, better sibling, better lover – I just want to be a better human being, I want to be the type of man that when I leave this earth I will be deeply missed by everyone I was close to and be thought of fondly by everyone I had ever interacted with. I think I will be just fine. Live, Laugh, Love.