Silently

I carry my pain silently, I share my joy
My pain is mine to keep, selfishly guarded
My weakness, my, weakness
I speak of them in quiet prayers
To a God that does not hear
I carry on my mind all, and sundry
It weighs me down, splits my head
Hanging down heavy, heavy with thoughts
Held in my weak hand, eased by each pen stroke
Sometimes, I wonder, why care, why bother
Say fuck it, let the chips fall where they may
This problem is not mine, I don't own it
These words I speak, out loud,
But in my silence, I weep, weep at the thought
The thought of surrender, apathy, indifference
The ripple effect of inaction today, is troubling
At best, disastrous at worst
I struggle with this, speak quietly to myself
Pen my thoughts, hold my head, somber
On the inside, I carry my pain
Silently!