Dafuq!!!

How could such a simply motherfucking statement get so fucking misconstrued, since fucking when did statements of fucking fact requiring defending. What the fuck is to be gained from arguing a point which warrants no fucking argument. The fact is X, some how that infers XY and fucking Z. What de modacont dread.

Silently

I carry my pain silently, I share my joy
My pain is mine to keep, selfishly guarded
My weakness, my, weakness
I speak of them in quiet prayers
To a God that does not hear
I carry on my mind all, and sundry
It weighs me down, splits my head
Hanging down heavy, heavy with thoughts
Held in my weak hand, eased by each pen stroke
Sometimes, I wonder, why care, why bother
Say fuck it, let the chips fall where they may
This problem is not mine, I don't own it
These words I speak, out loud,
But in my silence, I weep, weep at the thought
The thought of surrender, apathy, indifference
The ripple effect of inaction today, is troubling
At best, disastrous at worst
I struggle with this, speak quietly to myself
Pen my thoughts, hold my head, somber
On the inside, I carry my pain
Silently!

Bittersweet - more sweet

I just had a brief moment, like a flash of my favorite time of year, which is on the horizon - I love this time of year, but it has been dotted with some not so pleasant life experiences. Low times in the crescendo of celebration and revelry - beginnings and ends, beginnings of ends.  It's interesting what we are able to mask, more so what we are able to mask with spirits, libation to the gods of bachannal praying to drown pain away and find solutions in a solution. Yep! I have more good memories than I have bad, but the bad are quite memorable.

I NEED you, Maybe...

You know how people in relationships sometimes in a moment of intense emotion say - "I need you..."; well I've been giving that notion some scant thought, and this is what I surmise - that's not exactly the truth. I don't think that "I need you..." is meant literally, or intended to be meant literally, I think it is closer to a really really strong want. Let us consider the statement using some practical examples:

• We need air/oxygen - without which we would not be able to breathe, no oxygen to the lungs equals suffocation equals death.
• We need food - without which our body would not have the required nutrients to facilitate basic bodily function, organs would fail resulting in death.
• We need water - without which the body would be dehydrated; our body being made up 70% liquid that would not go down well, it will take more time than going without air or food, but without water, guess what - yes, you guessed correctly, it would result in...wait for it, death.

I could go on a bit, but why belabor the point. If for some reason of your doing or not, the person of your affection walks out your life - as heart broken as you may be; would it result in your death, possible, yes, probable, chances of you dying of a broken heart are slim to none, you have a greater probability of being struck by lightening. Which brings be full circle, you know how people in relationships sometimes in a moment of intense emotion say - "I need you..." well, that's not exactly the truth, because what had happen was, they got caught up in the moment.

So close...

Hey, I tried, you win some, you lose some - sometimes there is a tie. It's not for lack of effort. Sometime you have to throw the chips to the sky and let them fall where they may; hope for the best but ALWAYS plan for the worst.

I Try

I'm not very good at pretending, but I try,
I try to pretend that my broad back and bulging biceps
are strong enough to carry whatever life heaps on me,
but it's heavy, sometimes I bend under the pressure,
my legs feel ready to give way, but I dig my heels in
grit my teeth, summon what strength I do have left, and I heave

I'm not the great pretender, but I try,
I try to pretend that knowing less is not sometimes better
than knowing more, that knowledge, is always power
That it does not hurt to find out things you didn't know
Sometimes a bit of knowledge, is too much for my mind to comprehend
So I gloss over it, pretend that I am still ignorant, and shove that knowledge
to the recesses of my mind - deep in the don't remember or ever speak about box

I'm a lousy pretender, but I try,
I try to pretend that words spoken don't hurt, that I'm good, when I'm not
I try to pretend that I don't want to cry sometimes, that I'm not an emotional man
But I do, and I am
And when the tears want to come, emotions want to show, I run away to my space
get lost in my head, in there, no one sees my pain, sees the tears, sees my heart ache
I try to hide from lovings eyes on the outside looking in
After all men are not emotional beings, and can't be occasionally, emotionally needy

I try to pretend, every now and then, and every now and then, I Fail!

Keep Calm!

I am not an emotional masochistic, nor am I an emotional sadist - at least not deliberately, not consciously. If this simple statement escapes you, then it is a wasted expression of a bothersome thought.