Man Eater

‎​A friend of mine had as her BlackBerry display picture yesterday a sign that said I HATE MEN. She usually has similar man bashing rhetoric and what I consider to be her psuedo celebration of being single and independent (don't get me wrong - I'm not knocking single independent women, more power to them). Hers is just an interesting situation, or rather a reaction to a bad situation (at least in my opinion which I think has left her with a bitter taste in her mouth) - it is our natural instinct to protect ourselves from harm; be it physical or emotional. In any event, I called her up and ask her about her pic (not that she owed me own, but I find hate to be such a strong word) - and considering we cool, we lime, we talk irie - and I know she has other male friends, the pic was just a bit disturbing. Which got me wondering how many other women share her sentiments now or at any point in their life.

Below is the dialogue/discussion between myself and some of my female bb contacts after I sent out the following bb broadcast message (take from it what you will):


To my female bb contacts:

I'm really curious why do some women hate men (no joke, I really want to know). Be it through ur own experience or vicariously. What is it that makes u'll loath us sometimes, most times or all the time. For those of u "in love" eh try to play u didn't hv man hating days. Talk to me - enlighten me.



Respondent 1: Choops....u in a dr phil mood?

Me: Nah just a display pic and a brief convo with a bb contact got me thinking

Respondent 1:Well fyi its not that a mature woman hates all men, she hates the man who wronged her

Me: Like I told her I hate the guy that wronged her - sadly he is one of my buddies. But she should paint all of us with the same brush

Respondent 1: She shouldn't not all men are the same; If all men end up treating her the same way then the problem is her
Me: :-)

Respondent 1: And her values and what she is willing to accept; Cuz men WILL do watever it is they allowed to get away with

Me: Get away with or not we will do what we want anyway. Sigh!

Respondent 1: ‎​Nah

Me: ‎​We'll get on u'll page some day

Respondent 1: Not boldface; Cuz men who genuinely love their women won't overdo anything that put their relationship at risk; They have. A limit when they realise they will lose out

Me: Ah now we getting to the finer details; Knowing the boundaries. Knowing when u as the man fucking time in ur relationship

Respondent 1: Yah

Respondent 2:speaking fr my personal exp, I won't say I hate men or ever did. Them being human, they fuck up fr time to time like us women. I just hate the crap and bullshit they do. Men r great!!!! No other creature can me feel the way a man can. I aboslutely love men. Wish I can.....oh never mind.

Me: Everybody does crap; We're not perfect and are not meant to be;So u'll hate us sometimes for not meeting the standard u'll hv pre-determined for us

Respondent 2: ‎​Exactly; no i only hate the acts of crap. These fall under the usual disappoints from time to
time of everyone

Me: K


Respondent 3: Nah I don't hate men..while I haven't had much luck I still thin there r good men around

Me: So we're like the lotto now - luck

Respondent 3: Yup

Respondent 4: I di not hate men

Me: K

Respondent 5: Because most women have been hurt by men who they have given their heat too.

Me: And men hvn't; ‎​So is all men that hurt her

Respondent 5: Well women don't really hate men. Its just in a state of hurt they feel like giving up on relationships; And well in essence men on a whole; And they figure by hating men it will help on their cause

Me: Ah but is the expectations which u'll hv which invariably leads to disappoint and heart break

Respondent 5: Exactly. Because every woman wants a happily ever after. Some expect it some accept what has been given to them stick with it.

Me: Ah!

Respondent 5: But in all fairness to men. Women hate men because of their own faults the fail to realise. Most women who say they hate men do so because they are tired of the same shit in all men they get with. They fail to realise their choices or wants are wrong. Cause the easiest thing is to blame someone else.

Me: But the happily ever after is a fantasy that has been force feed. Sadly u'll hv bought into it and when it does reconcile with reality then the man hating starts; Who is to blame for the acceptance of a delusion as reality

Me: Oh god I love that last point u made

Respondent 5: Its they way it is

Me: I'm not saying a woman should b tolerant of a man totally disregarding her feelings and fucking all about the place indiscriminately

Respondent 5: Neither am I

Me: But there is so much more to a meaningful relationship than the fucking

Respondent 5: Yup there is. And that's why most fail. Cause in the begining its based on sex and then wen that goes south so does everything else

Me: Exactly. God at least I have a few intelligent logical thinking women on my contact list. Damn I suspect I'll delete the idiots

Respondent 5: Exactly

Me: U'll not saints and what things do we do

Respondent 6: ‎​I can't discuss that with u; ‎​Urll too defensive.

Me: I don't think it's a matter of being defensive more than it is an issue of irreconcilable; perceptions/expectations

Respondent 6: ‎​Well my hate men days are very rare; Extremely rare.

Me: ‎​But y do u hv them

Respondent 6: Because the person does something they know will piss me off.

Me: Know they don't - u thing we go around trying to piss u'll off. That is on a rare occasion.

Respondent 6: Well I know in case that's what it is; ‎​Or say something to piss us off; And worse yet urll can't admit urll wrong; And when urll do it more a mockery than an apology.

Me: There u going brushing all men with the same brush; Be cognizant that women to are human and subject to the same follies of men.

Respondent 6: ‎​Whatever u say; We are more sensitive to urll feelings.

Me: On that note love enjoy the rest of ur day.

Respondent 7: Sadly never had a man-hating day. Just shook my head in disbelief and disappointment, and called ur'll dog's. But wldnt call it a man-hating day. If I said this flower smells bad, is that a flower-hating day :D

Me: Lol; But some of u hate so intently. Like the thought of a man is nauseating.

Respondent 7: Nah. Hvnt and don't want that experience.; And those women who do are secretly wishing they wld get a good man (by their definitions).

Me: I think u hit the nail on the head.

Respondent 7: Yup. They're disgusted with themselves for having got a man who did whatever to get them in that state! - So they use the brush and paint the whole damn canvas black, all the while looking for that one spot to leave white. - That white spot - the wishful man.

Me: Y is it that among all the things a man can do a woman to induce those sought of emotions - cheating seems to b the most appalling.

Respondent 7: Well women shldnt accept cheating from a man, but they shld recognise the society in which men are raised. From baby to toddler to teenager, we tease and give them a hundred girlfriends - (not making women out to be any angel. We r not. We all r humans. Full stop)

Me: Point. Though women sometimes give the facade of being angels - With cheating it's a bit of nature and nurture. I could understand the disappoint and betrayal a woman would feel - but it seems to be the main sticking point. Then again "cheating" is nvr cut and dry.

Respondent 7: Nope. Quite a complex issue most times as to why its done. Generally leads back to what makes someone completely satisfied, happy and excited. Can one person provide that? Hmmmmm.

Me: Ah. Know that to me is the misconception or expectation that leads things off.

Respondent 7: The hurt and betrayal is a bitch. Its up to the person to want to move past that and not let it make u bitter.

Me: Why would anyone thing it conceivable to thing that every thing u nd can b found in one person - Most times I think women start to question themselves as to whether it was something lacking in them that cause the man to go astray as it were - In all honest most often than not there is no issue with the woman - we just decide to fuck around.

Respondent 7: A hard pill to swallow to feel any amount of inadequacy; ‎​sighhhhhhhhh.

Me: True

Respondent 8: ‎​Lololol u bored aren't you.

Me: Nah, just honestly curious. A friend had me thinking why she so hate men - considering I'm a man and we cool.

Respondent 8: I don't hate men, dislike a few; with good reason.

Me: Well I eh expect u to love everybody - u eh God.

Respondent 9: ‎​It is like periods...its a cycle:)

Me: lol

Respondent 10: Its a thin line between love and hate - They aren't very different.

Me: Yes they are. Hate and Love are two entirely different emotions.

Respondent 10: Think how passionate we are at both extremes - One can be motivated significantly either way - Intention makes difference.

Me: Honestly I've not hated anyone intently - I find hate to be a useless and destructive emotion.

Respondent 10: ‎​Yes - Lots of negative energy

Still not sure what I took from the conversations - suffice to say women like men can not always be totally pleased - the notion of finding that "perfect" person to me is as conceivable as the easter bunny, the tooth fairy and santa claus. People are innately flawed in character - some aspects of us we can improve more than others - expectations do not equal realities; and the reality is if you love you will inevitably (irrespective of reason) get hurt. Deal with it and move the fuck on. Consider to the part you played in enabling people to hurt you - nothing occurs in a vaccum.

20% Thursday - feeling like 10

Yesterday I felt particularly enfused, happy, alive - as if on some high - reason for the joy joy feeling is really unknown. But today I'm coming down from that high - not depressed, but not particularly jazzed about today; feels like a recession or the beginings of a recession. Maybe is just insufficient sleep, between ironing, checking stock performance, downloading and almost burning the saltfish for my lunch today I managed to make it to bed at almost mid-night last night. Or maybe I'm just fucking bipolar - god wouldn't that be a hoot - bring on the weed - using the Bobby Brown approach to dealing with this disorder. Oh yeah, the fucking printer frustrate my scont too - and did I mention my body hurts like fuck - gym bussing my ass. Oh well, back to my day - it will be alright at 4:30. :-)

Senses

Her fragrance lingers like her memory
Her taste dancing on my tongue
Her touch etched in my skin
Her voice singing sweet sounds to my ear
She woke my senses and left me spent

Adrift on sensations, lost in recollection
Verbs of pleasure spoken in tones of desire
Floating of waves of carnal passion
Breath rushing past my lips, heart thumping
Life water escaping in burst of ecstasy

She woke my senses and left me spent
Longing, for more, more of her
Fragrance permeating through my pores
Taste rolling slowing down my throat
Touch sending me into a frenzy
Voice seducing me into a pleasurable delirium

What's my name?

Bite your lips and sigh, my name
Rolls off your tongue, into my arms
You come, so long, awaiting
Your touch, your gaze, your breath

Ah! Bite your lips and sigh, my name
It sounds so sweet squeezing past your teeth
Longing steers, and deep thrust, through your soul

I touch you inside in ways that puzzles
The mind, and pleasures the heart
Beating to the rhythm of my to and fro
My ebb and flow, washing over your body
Whisking you away on a celestial trip
In and out of une petite mort
Never seem so sweet, deeper I slip

Again, again and again, you
Bite your lips and sigh, my name

Chasing pavements

They say love is blind, but sometimes it is also deaf and dumb. I heard this song chasing pavements, by Adele about a week ago and it is now stuck in my head. Songs, more so the lyrics of songs convey different messages depending on the listener - sometimes what the listener takes from the song is also influenced by life circumstances and experience (vicarious or otherwise).

This song planted a seed in my head which has taken root. What shoots forth is not that different from some previous posting - but like some fungus, you deal with it now and after some time in returns, perhaps in a new place and shaped slightly different, but it returns none the less - fungus. So like the fungus the topic of love and relationships returns to the fore of my mind - I ask myself why do people ...chase pavements even if it leads nowhere...What is it about love that keeps some of us pursuing it even when it is evident that it is not meant to be, or even when all signs indicate that the relationship we want is unhealthy - toxic even.

I suppose withdrawal and dependence is as powerful as the cocaine high of a new relationship. Like cocaine to a junkie it gets to the point where it defines you - you without it, like you without that "loved" is incomprehensible. Sometimes reality is easier to go through in a hallucinogenic state. Oh well, the heart wants what it wants, but like I said sometime ago what you want is not always what you need. The difficulty sometimes is discovering what it is you need.

Till the next fungal growth - love like you've never been hurt; it's better to have love and lost than to never love at all...and all that good stuff.

Love is a beautiful thing, enjoy it while it last - when it's done move on, hanging on to a love that is gone hurts more.

Siesta

A whisper on the air, floats down to my semi-conscious and tugs at me
My name light, empty, barely spoken
Searching, finding nothing in my mind, I lay here, wondering
A hush, hearing voices - neurotic, in need of rest
Drifting between states, almost awake, open my eyes, empty space

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Having a fucking moment. Woosa, woosa woosa, wossa not fucking working. WDMC! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!

Behind shades

My eyes, the windows to my soul
But you can't see past these panes at my pain
Won't see the state of my inside
My insecurities, flithy unfiltered thoughts
My envy at what I wish I could be
Self-confidence and bravado running on booze
The facade of cool, charisma and charm
These character traits not innate


Pull down my shades over my panes
Don't look inside, don't see my self-loathing
Indifferent, my strained attempts to fit in
Clumsily fumbling around inside
Creating my self from a foundation, flawed

I see you trying to see me
Through the darkness of my shades, I'm drawn
I see you trying to see the me no one knows
The real me safely guarded from prying eyes
Safe beneath my Dolce Gabana, Armani
Ralph Laurens, Oakley's, Gucci, Prada, etc
I keep me hidden behind Shades

Minor ventilation

Having one of those moments when I need to do a little venting nothing major. I'm trying to do the pretend not to give a damn thing - but it eh working to well; trying to turn a deaf ear to fokry. I am curious as to what the fuck is the latest saga (because when the heart and the head are in disagreement, there is always drama and sage), but at the same time I grow tired of shit on repeat (some people may say the same about my choice in music). New year same ole baggage (brings to mind Erykah Badu's - "Bag Lady"). And they say I have an unapproachable demeanor - yeah right. Anyway, see and blind, ear and deaf. Only constant so far for this year is the shit. Eau d' caca.