Words

I've heard I have a way with words,
the way my verbs reverberate through the core,
twisting round curves with an allure,
seducing hips to swerve with such verve at the thoughts of, my words

My adjectives substantively descriptive and addictive
not the least bit derisive, sufficient to paint a picture
of every stroke of tongue in cheek, alive in your mind
sending shivers down the spine, visualizing the literal manifestation of, my words

Nouns profound sometimes a bit dumbfound,
unsure of when, where and how this unsuspecting bloke
had beguiled you with his sound, a verbalisation of thoughts
stringing of letters to become, my words

Talking to BRICKS

Sometimes I wonder why I bother speak to some people, and if I must speak to them why don't I have an allotted time after which I find a nice way to end the conversation. I like strong willed persons - but there is a thin line between strong willed and reluctance to think outside the box or challenge convention. It amazes me sometimes how seemingly progressive people can be so, non-progressive; it's like the door to their brain has been left ajar so that only snippets of intellect can flow. These conversations leave me feeling drained and sometimes even angry - they're like WTF convos which leave me ready to yank what little hair I have off my fucking head. Respecting the views of others is much easier said than done - alas in a civil society that is what we must do - gone are the days of punishment till they submit to your will. Oh well!

It's back

It's here again, it's been a while but I remember the feeling - this battle raging on inside of me caused either by the imbalance of my yin and yang or the disposition of what I have come to accept as my natural state. I do not purport nor wish to be virtuous, it is not my nature - it is not a space that brings me any particular enjoyment - and that is not to say I consider or wish to be rotten to the core. It goes without saying that it brings a mischievous smile to my face to indulge in proclivities. Unintentionally, I find myself in familiar unfamiliar territory - and now my innate senses are beginning to feel threaten. The sad reality is that if you tell your self something long enough you begin to believe it - hence my conundrum; is it that I've told myself that I'm better at being bad for so long that I believe it is my natural state - or is it that I've told myself I'm being good so I think my natural state is bad - I'm not even sure that makes any fucking sense.

What I do know is that I feel a rage, frustration - a darkness building up in me that wants to be let out, and I'm quickly losing the battle to keep it in; I don't know that I want to keep it in. The naughty version of me comes easy - this goody two shoes shit is hard. We all have our lot in life - who ever said mine was to be a saint or saint like.

I need this release like a junkie needs a fix - I feel like I'm going through withdrawal - just one hit. Who am I kidding, one hit will become two, then three....This shit works in cycles for me. I'm a moody motherfucker, so right now I'm in my be good mood. But the universe is funny that way, it likes playing and testing me - when I say NO, it throws all the temptation at me - when I give in it sends me the stress that makes me want to retreat.

Yep, the universe is speaking loudly to me - I hear you, let's do this - on this occasion I'll be dead fish - fuck it, I'm going with the flow.

Tattooed Thighs

Visions in shades of gray in a state of unconsciousness on the continuum of time and space
Twisted thoughts of flesh and sweat, truth and denial, the mind unravels secrets buried inside
Perversed proclivities, alternate realities, flashes of moments and things that do not exists, save in the confines of your cerebral cortex
Lines of reality blurred in this state, cursing the moment that you must awake, visions in shades of gray fade to black

Hurricane Paranoia

It's been 3 weeks since hurricane Tomas hit - 3 weeks since St. Lucian's realised that perhaps they should start taking hurricane watches and warning seriously. In the wake of the disaster left by Tomas we now in my opinion have another issue to deal with in addition to the physical damage left behind; we as a people have been psychologically traumatized. This was more evident today - we got word that we would be experiencing a trough, as a result all business in the capital was shut down and people asked to evacuate. WTF!, it was a fucking trough, everybody and their mother began to panic. Castries got flooded, as if that's a freaking surprise - 5 minutes of consistent heavy rain and the city floods; the drainage is poor and continually clogged with garbage lazy nasty people dump on the streets - is that a reason to shut down the place.

Dennery and Bexon got flooded - damn what a surprise; Dennery always gets flooded, this on top the fact that it's been hit by heavy rains twice in the last month (including from Tomas); and like Bexon it has not been totally clear up from the debris and deluge from Tomas - hence the flooding. The advisory gave advice on the possible affected areas - people in those areas, and people with family in those areas should have taken heed. This situation did not warrant mass panic, on the heels of Tomas we have moved from one extreme to the next - that of being nonchalant about weather advisories to us now over reacting, only now since people lost their lives and property in Tomas we call our overreaction precaution, as it is better than cure right - I call it paranoia.

This is the result of being a proactive rather than a reactive society - there are many things we could have done to not be in this position right now including (but not limited to):

• Taking more pride in our country and not littering it like we do.
• Adhering to building codes
• Ensuring there is proper drainage when we construct our houses
• Reduce or rather eliminate deforestation
• Building some god damn retaining walls

Inside of doing these things we panic and start point fingers. Seriously is this going to become the norm, every time it rains we get a directive from a Ministry official to all go home - we're going to run a country on fear and panic. Who is going to be the voice of reason in this panic state? People it was only a trough, something we have experienced before - that is not to say dismissing it is being complacent; if we take Tomas away from the equation all this was, was a rainy day - is a rainy day out of place in the hurricane season. A trough masai, a fucking trough, it stopped raining over 8 hours ago, oh well I got a half day of work - hoo-fucking-ray.

Relapse

Fiending for that fix, it's been so long, tried to quit but it's singing your song,
it calls you, it haunts you, you need to score
Just one more hit of that ecstasy, sending you adrift on waves of pleasure
Stick it in, deep in you, feel it fill you, coursing through your veins,
bringing you to that edge where you feel so alive
You miss the thrill, the rush, the high, you want it now, if but a taste
Your mind and your body at odds, be strong, surrender, which do you choose
That drug of your choice, it's but just a prick, you know once you hit it it's hard to quit
Just say no I've heard that refrain, but restraint from this yearning is hard to maintain.

The Clock

Time sounds so loud in the hush of night slipping into the unknown
Tick tick tick into the uncertainty of a tomorrow not promised
Ticking to nowhere, nothing, everything and something
Time, as fragile and fleeting as life, a moment lost never regained
Here in the dead of night, I steer into the darkest surrounded by the ticking sound of time
Wondering, where does it all go

Love Knot

In one of the versions of the Bible 1 Corinthians 13:4 states:" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." In my previous rumblings about love I precursored my meandering by stating that I am no guru on love (or something of that sort); this has not changed, I'm still no guru; but I would like to think that by now I'm a bit wiser in the ways of love, or rather what from my perspective love is not. I should warn you however that my perspective/definition of love is as fluid as the ocean.

As it were here are a few things I think love is not:

1.) Love is not disrespectful (I learned that one the hard way)
2.) Love is not making your partner feel like shit (sometimes you are unaware that's what you're doing, but it is no excuse).
3.) Love is not making your partner doubt they self worth (right up there with making your partner feel like shit).
4.) Love is not breaking down your partners self confidence.
5.) Love is not laying on the guilt trip (especially when you know your shit stinks too, maybe worse).
6.) Love is not constant questioning and accusations (if you have that much doubt maybe you should consider calling it quits or find a freaking coping mechanism).

I could probably go on but why, it's late I'm tired and I must go wash up in my quarter bucket of water (thanks to that motherfucker Tomas); but I'll leave you with lucky number seven 7.) Love does not require your partner to "prove it" like some freaking school boy trying to get pussy for the first time - if you love me have sex with me. Love just is - it is what ever you make it within your relationship.

So there you go, some of the things love is not - at least for me; some people may think that the above epitomizes love. But like I said at the beginning this is my perspective tonight - it may be different tomorrow, it's fluid; so find your own perspective on love.

P.S. Love is not staying with your partner because you have grown comfortable and he/she is all you have known. Love is definately not forced.

Lessons Learnt (I hope) - Tomas

Hurricane Tomas has brought out the best in some of us and highlighted the worse in a few. Over the last few days I've seen incredible acts of generosity and humanness; people remembered for a moment that we are all humans and all Lucians.

I'm a believer in everything happens for a reason - we may not understand the why, when it occurs; but in time when we reflect we can learn something from it. In the wake of hurricane Tomas we can be assured that St. Lucians will no longer be nonchalant at the news of a coming hurricane or storm (at least so I hope, some of us are as stubborn as mules), our psyche will be forever scared by the devastation left by Tomas.

Perhaps we will be more conscientious with our building and indiscriminate dumping of garbage - I can only hope. Perhaps we will better appreciate how fragile life is and how easily the material possessions we fuss over can be lost, maybe we will learn some humility - that tragedy and devastation does not discriminate; that being blessed does not mean harm will not befall you; and harm befalling you does not mean you're cursed.

If anything we learn from this, I hope we learn to become better human beings and treasure every moment we have here; tomorrow is promised to none.

Expectations

I guess that is the thing with expectations, try as you may at some point we all have them - consequently at some point we must expect disappointment.

Life is filled with moments of great expectations and even greater disappointments. I couldn't help but have this as my second thought of the morning - the catalysts being the day's even, or rather how the day turned out. I've heard the adage when life hands you lemons you make lemon juice - and also life is a bitch, treat it like one. But honestly, when life hands you lemons (a bad situation or disappointment) is your first thought to make juice (deal with it) - not likely. What is more likely is for you to experience emotions ranging anywhere from anger to sadness; after going through the spectrum of emotions and having done some assessment and critical thinking can you begin to process the "making juice out of lemons" part - only then can life go on.

Expectations, what would life be without them - likewise what would life be without the occasional disappointment. In case you had not figured it out I had an expectation and that all it was - a thought which never materialised and left me moderately (maybe) disappointed.

Mai a, c'est la vie oui.