The expectation of trust (my version)

Some time ago I set out to write about trust - more specifically whether knowing what to expect from your partner could be considered the ultimate expression of trust. I even set out to carry out a small informal survey, I got some interesting responses and had some interesting discussion with a couple colleagues about the subject. But ultimately I did not end up approaching this as I originally intended. The word or rather the concept of trust popped up again in my head today while in the kitchen and it beckoned me to write a bit.

I have never questioned whether I trust my partner over the last few years - truth be told, I never even gave it any thought, and today was no different. It occurred to me that trust is not of paramount importance to me in my relationship as the relationship gurus would have me believe it should be. I don't know that I would consider my relationship unconventional - but I think it is more important to me that my partner understands me and I understand her; even more paramount is that we understand ourselves. It's not an exact science, clearly, hence we will have the occasional butting of heads - but that we understand that this is a give and take, a dance we have decided to do until such time as our feet grow tired and we expire.

No one can determine for you what should be most important in your relationship; no one should be allowed to define your relationship - it is yours and no one else, no one knows better than you what works for you and what does not. Trust, expectations, are only parts of a relationship - it is not the whole; determining how important it is and what it means to you is something different.

I have digressed a bit from subject. Human beings don't always leave up to your expectations and occasionally they betray your trust. Expecting a particular behave from someone can not be misconstrued as trusting that person in the strictest of definitions- perhaps you can say you understand them, and you trust them as far as you can throw them on a good day (which may not be very far). They're all intertwined, one not more important than the next (at least to me); I understand someone, which would inevitably lead to me having certain expectations of that person, which would in turn lead me to place some measure of trust in that person.

Damn! This is less clear cut than I thought. I'm going in circles in my head here. Suffice to say - I accept that to err is to be human; no one will always live up to expectation, no one will always be honest about everything and no one fully understands themselves, much less another human being. Perhaps when thinking about expectation, trust and all the pie in the sky words that some times leave us emotionally flat on our ass - we should simply apply Murphy's law - "anything that can go wrong will go wrong." If we keep that in mind it will probably save us a lot of unnecessary stress.