Absurdity of Honesty

Lie to me if you care
Tell me the half truths I need to hear
Say you'll never leave me as you walk away
Tell me you'll change for me, as you stay the same
Say you believe in honesty, as you pile on the lies
Tell me that you miss me, while you make no time
Say you'll always be there, you know you're too damn busy
Tell me that you love me, but you really really like me
Say this will last forever, when forever ends today
Go ahead, lie to me if you care
Lies are all I really, really want to hear.

The Beholden

In the eye of the beholder, flawed perfection is perfectly flawed
The tainted panes of the soul's window obscures the view
Distorts reality, till fiction seems real, and the non-existent exist
Shades of grey become black, black becomes white, superficial has substance

Transient adoration of ephemeral manifestations of flesh
Misguided adulation for the cosmetic, discarding the visceral
Content with the shallow exterior put forth on parade

To the beholder words become platitudes, cherished by the unenlightened beholden
Words with the substance of fall leaves, whisked away in the wind, here then gone
Carrying the weight of an anvil, grounded in false reality, held in high regard

Be weary of the beholder, their tongues hold secrets
Their minds eye speaks the truth of the windows of their souls
Souls as blackened as the night sky on a moonless, starless night
Beauty, fool, is in the eye of the beholder

...

We lay still next to each other, listening to the sound of our breath. In my dream I was lying next to you. Fully clothed. You had boy shorts (lace) and a vest. We were spooning and I got erect, you wiggled a bit and spread your legs slightly. I slide my hand closer to your lady parts. You spread a bit wider - then I let my hand find your clit and began to gently massage it. You closed your eyes, lips parted slightly and you let out a soft moan. Then you said Earl no, stop, in a weak voice. I continued, again you said stop, but you began raising your hip and fucking your self with my finger. Then you said no, I don't want to do this; I want more than this...I stopped

Yee of little faith

If we believe everything in this life to be pre-ordained by some supreme being up there somewhere; that everything that happens in this life is meant to happen and is for some divine reason; and we have faith in that belief, then why are some of us so fucking unhappy with where we are in our lives right now. Did he,she or it get it wrong - or is our faith/belief questionable.

Gone

When you miss me I'll be gone
No farewell, no tear filled  goodbye
Nothing but space between what you knew
And what you thought you knew

When you miss me I'll be gone
To a time and space along a journey that is mine
I can't take you with me, when you miss me
I'll be gone, gone from a place I never was

When I'm gone I won't say goodbye
I'll fade to another existence on an existential plain
To the recess of your mind, soon to be a mundane to and fro
Pacing, marking time to transcendence, marching to nirvana

When you miss me I'll be gone
It won't matter that you miss me
I'll be gone.

Gravity!

I fight back the tears, and my body shivers. I hate this. I'm back here again despite my best efforts. There is truth in some things are better left unsaid, but we can't pretend that they don't exist and hope it all just goes away, it doesn't. I try too shield you from my negative thoughts, and only succeed in creating distance, a fracture, that seems to never heal. I'm tired. Sometimes I want out, most times I want in - but above allow, I would like to avoid the ugly. The ugly, makes the good seem bad, non-existent.

I told a friend recently there is no human emotion that can not be describe by a song, any moment/feeling in your life - from elation to depression. This morning I heard "Why" by Annie Lennox, and it spoke to me. It put in song, what I was saying in thought. I have nothing. I can only beat up myself for so long, take on so much, think myself to be ugly on the inside for so long - it's self destructive. I hate battling with myself, I detest waging wars in my mind - wars between right and wrong, between what I should do and what I want to do. It takes its toll. I don't know how much fight I have left before I say fuck it and throw my hands in the air in resignation.

"...Gravity, it's taken better men than me..." Sometimes I feel like I want to run away from it all, start over somewhere new. But life does not have a reset button; I feel guilty that my life is not terrible, yet I feel I must escape it at times - many would trade their lives for mine. I should be grateful. My mother always says half a loaf is better than none - truth be told I'm not a fan of bread; and any time she would say that to me I had the same response, the hell with half a bread, I want the whole damn bakery. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to want more, to want different, to adopt the burger king slogan to your life and have it your way. Fuck I hate this space I'm in. Yet in a few short hours I will be laughing, drinking and having "fun" like nothing happened, like I'm not crying on the inside.

I'm a sheep!

Why

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HG7I4oniOyA