Sigh!

Patience has never been one of my virtues - though I have by circumstance adjusted and developed skills to cope; re-frame; transfer etc - patience remains the least of my virtues. I grow ever aloof with my reality; but the facade of contentment is necessary, as the alternative is counter-productive. Sulking and complaining never achieved anything. A plan of action is necessary, be it a distraction, a clearly defined exit strategy from this doldrums or a mixture of distraction and exit strategy; what ever it is, I know something is necessary. I need to step outside myself for a minute and make an assessment of this situation and plan my way forward.

Alas we have hope

Hope is single-handely one of the most powerful and simultaneously debilitating human traits. Hope can give you the strength to carry on when you feel down, broken and out. But this very hope can send your world screeching to a crashing halt when despite all your hope, everything you hoped for falls through.

Never enough

Invariably these moments come around, subtly or not so subtly - when someone wants a little more than they can get; a little more than should be expected, a tad bit more than the terms and conditions of the agreement. The agreement was ambiguious, perhaps colored in vaguely penned language meant to confuse, or make subject to interpretation. It never matters how long it takes or the extent, but invariably someone will wish, dream, ask for just a little bit more - but more is never enough.

Still Nothing

I heard what you said when you said nothing
Saw your thoughts run through my head
I know what you thought when your mind was clear
Mental telepathy, your words moved through my lips
We're connected, you think it, I voice it, you say it I ponder it
Separate brains with singular thoughts, giving multiple signals
Different patterns, same cloth
Together but alone, alone with each other, but not alone at all
You speak loudest when you say nothing
In that nothing I found something, in your nothing I found everything I needed to know
In knowing everything, I am no wiser about anything about this thing
Undefined in its definition, an aberration of circumstance
Logical consequence, cause and effect, wrapped in clichés of what is, what was
And it is what it is, going with the flow, the ebb, what was it, what is it, it just is
Meandering thoughts of nothing, thinking of something, doubtful of everything
Resigned to anything, holding on to nothing...

Perfection is a farce

Next time you find your self in a conversation where the person begins something like this "...in a perfect world..." be sure to stop them mid-sentence and insist that they add or change a word or two - so they should say "...in my perfect world..." or "...in my version of a perfect world...", and allow them to carry on smartly.

Really and truly the notion of a perfect world, at least a perfect world for everyone is a fantasy - something that can not possibly exist; because invariable we all view perfection from our perspective differently. By way of example, in my perfect world I would be in a poly-amorous relationship with the occasional cameo lover(s); I would own another vehicle; be making enough money to pay all my bills with money left over to lime everyday if I so choose, take my family on vacation abroad, go on shopping sprees etc and still be able to have a healthy six figure balance in my savings account - never have a single financial worry. Everyone around me will be well taken care of; we would all be in good health. My list could go on, this is not an exhaustive list.

You then have to ask your self in my perfect world, is that what the other people who I think should be part of my world believe that to be their perfect world. There would be no problem with good health and plenty money - but the rest,hmmmm

Nothing

Desperately I return to slumber hoping to get a glimpse, but I get nothing
Not a lingering scent, gentle touch, a warm smile. Nothing!
My conscience mind yearn something, my sub-conscience won't cede
Languishing in desperation, hoping for a vision of your radiance,
That thing, the essence and aura of you that puts me at ease, but I get nothing.
Eluding slumber with the hope of the impossible
Seeking the impossible in the realm of my mind, only there is the impossible truly possible
But I got nothing! Desperate times call for desperate measures
And in my desperate times I settled to have you only in my dreams, make my dream my reality
But even in my dreams, I got nothing!

No company

Misery loves company but right about now I would make terrible company...