Just Another Story

They say the first step in addressing an addiction or moving past any problem is to first acknowledge and accept it; I have been in denial for a while I suppose, but every now and then you have these moments of clarity, my what the fuck moments, my Earl listen to the universe moment, my stop trying to go against the grain and prove everyone wrong moment. That moment came this morning on my balcony looking out to where that palwee tree use to be, and for a moment, I missed it - then my wife brought to my attention how she never noticed how tall the other trees actually were because the were short in comparison to the palwee tree. She highlighted that since the palwee tree had been cut down there had even been new leaves on the other trees. That right there was my moment of clarity, that ahha moment, that but why did you do that you idiot moment.

I can be quite stubborn, I really do like having things my way. I almost had a relapsed, but I kinda caught myself. I was better prepared to let go and walk away and accept that this is an addiction, an unhealthy addiction and my health is somewhat important to me, my mental and emotional health are paramount.  So this is my first step in my how many eth step program - I am sure it won't be easy, matters of the heart seldom are, but one must do what one must, self preservation is important. It was a good run, there are plenty take-aways from it, but I need to be away from it, let my palwee tree slowly fade from memory. It is what it is. Just another story.