Faithfully departed

Today I discovered that it was possible to dislike someone I did not know, it was even possible to feel anger towards that person - and in all honesty it makes no sense to me. We buried my grand mother today - and while I was indifferent about her passing; today while I sat in the church listening to the priest and thinking of what little I knew about her it angered me; and I still can not wrap my mind around why.I learnt her first name the day she died, today I learnt her surname and her age.

What I know of her are the recounts of unplesant experiences that my mom had - and that was her single story. This afternoon a gym buddy of mine told another story, and painted her in a different light, one foreign to my mind and foreign to the experiences of my mother. Sofie would say blame is one of the most ineffective coping tools (not in those words - but something along those lines); but the hardship my mom endured lays for the most part at her feet. I suppose she either did not know better how to treat my mom, or had her neurosis that she lacked the relevant coping skills to address. For a moment at the service today I tried to reframe and internalise my anger - I even tried to see the positive to what I consider to me ill treatment of my mom.

In my mind her lack of expression of love and support for my mom contributed to her doing her best to show me love and support in my life, and for that I am eternally grateful. She is gone now and I can't tell her that I don't like what she did to my mom, I can't tell her that I don't like that she wanted my mom to treat us the same way, so I'll say it here. I don't know that I need closure but it feels like I do.