Disappointed

Every disappointment is a blessing they say - over the years I have tried to convince myself of that saying; but at times I find it difficult to see the blessing that has came from my disappointment. Disappointment to me is a by product of expectations, and I have often said that the best way to avoid disappointment from people is to have little or no expectations of them. However, the same can not be said for oneself. How do you live your life - at least meaningfully, if you have little or no expectations of yourself; and when you do have high expectations of yourself and you fall short of that expectation - what then.

Do you beat up on yourself? Do you say, well what did you expect - do you engage in the otherwise negative emotions and comments that would follow if it were some one else who did not live up to your expectations. Self loathing and doubt is destructive, but one can't help feel like shit when you let yourself down - it's difficult not to feel inadequate. Today, I feel like shit, inadequate and extremely disappointed in myself. I am sitting here hoping this feeling will pass; but it's taking its sweet time. I can not afford the time to sulk - but I do not at this point have the motivation, will power or fortitude to pick my chin up off the floor and press on ahead.

I'm hoping by the graces of the north wind this blessing will materialise - yes, I am relegated to the point of pinning my deliverance from this crappy feeling on the north wind, so distressed am I. Perhaps after a good nights rest, I will wake up re-energised and focused on the way forward from my latest disappointment. Time waits for no man, and I do not have time to feel like this.