It will be alright in the morning

God is good! Those were the words my mother said to me this morning after recounting the night of pain and hastened heart beat of my youngest sister. Those words stung me, I felt incensed momentarily. God is good my ass, I thought. If he is so good then why the hell is she suffering like this. Why the weeks of pain. I felt my emotions running away with me and my eyes welled up; but I fought back the tears. As if to cry would be to accept defeat; to accept an end - and I will not cede to this emotion.

Why her, I thought. Then as I pondered on that question for a moment, it occurred to me - why not her. She is an amazing person - flawed like us all, but amazing none the less. I have admired her spirit and positive attitude ever since she had been diagnose with Lupus. She has never allowed it to break her down, dampen her spirits; she takes it in stride, some days better than others - and she makes every effort to enjoy her life.

I thought, is someone else more deserving of the pain, frustration, suffering; perhaps. But we all must go down our own paths, and this is hers. Watching her go through it is mine and all I can do is be there for her when she needs me. We will make it through this. Modern medicine is good but god in his divine wisdom is better. I will not surrender all responsibility to an invisible been; but I will trust that at the end of it all, it will be ok.