Today was a better day for me. I started it with a plan, deliberate focused distraction, most commonly referred to as work. It has actually been a while since I have planned my work; an unwelcomed side effect of my hallucinogen of choice. So I have rounded another corner of my emotional recession. How many damn corners does this shit have? It's like I'm going in circles. Suffice to say I'm not depressed; and I didn't need cymbalta. Which reminds me, what type of freaking anti-depression medication increases your thought of suicide (cymbalta); I mean I listen to the ad; where does depression hurt, who does depression hurt...ask your doctor about cymbalta...side-effects include increased thoughts of suicide. Dude save yourself the medical bills, the psychotherapy and all the shit and jump off a building already. I mean seriously.
So today was a good day (and it's not even done yet; I'm heading to one of my favorite places in a while; the gym), I can feel myself returning; there are some jagged stones on my path back and I am bare footed which makes the walk back slow and painful, but getting back to me is good, I enjoy that space, so I'll take the pain to get there. My happy space may not be anyone else's happy space, but I am a bit of a narcissists' so fuck em. Sorry did I say that. Yeah yeah yeah I said it. I'm good at making people happy (but I have made a few unhappy in the past), and making people happy sometimes makes me happy; but often times it stresses the hell out of me and is really not worth the time and energy.
Everyone is responsible for his/her happiness, the people in your life merely contribute to it; a search for happiness outside yourself is doomed to leave you unhappy, because it is cosmetic.
So have a coke and a smile and make the choice, the conscious decision to be HAPPY!
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