The Margins

It sucks when there is no one you can trust totally to share your thoughts and emotions with - when there is shit going on with you you don't feel comfortable enough to divulge to just anyone. I know this is of my making but it still sucks. I feel like the people in my life are just on the periphery of my life but not really in my life - every body gets a piece of me but not the whole - I feel like I'm on the periphery of life of the people in my life - filling temporary needs - but not really needed. This really sucks.

Muse wanted

I seem to be suffering from some sort of bloggers block - or some general lack of a muse(s). Save last night it has been a while since I have been here - what was once more favourite place. my sanctuary, my creative hot spot ; my respite from the humdrum. By usual suspects for blogging have seem to have taken a hiatus with out so much as a note to me - before my thoughts would keep me awake and beg that those thoughts be vomited on this page; but of late I lay awake with random, meaningless thoughts bouncing around the corners of my mind - unworthy of the effort to roll off my bed and log on to drive one stroke.

My gosh I have not had one experience in the last few months which just begged for me to put pen to paper - what the hell is this?

Back again

I'm having a mini what the fuck moment and rather than lay awake on my bed - I figure it best to return to good old faithful; never fail me yet; always willing to listen; ever attentive ear - my best virtual friend. Just me and these black type case on a white screen attempting to channel my irritation away from my mind yet again. I loathe being built up only to be let down - then non-chalantly dismissed as if it is no never mind that I am upset and disappointed.

I am not extremely peeved but peeved enough to be here typing - followed by prolonged net surfing until my eyes are ready to bulge out my head; alternatively I may switch on the idiot box; no better idea - I'll go read this book I picked up months - if not a year ago and never got around to finishing, yes, that should work. Like I said my virtual best friend, always able to steer me right. Ok I'm off, going to get lost in the pages of my mind.

Forked tongue

You've met him before, that guy
He knows just what to say
When to say it and just how to say it
Stringing words beautifully
They caress you, touch you deep
You fight to keep your lady
Preserve your pristine
His words sinful, but licorice
Begging you to indulge

Yeah, you've met him
Every sentence stripping you
Closer to bare, every word off his tongue
Snatches breath from your lungs
Every poised breath, deliberate speech
Breaking you down, making you weak
Your lips say no, barely
Body screams yes, loudly

Yeah, you've met him
Occasionally you wish you had not
Damn it, his words
Sound so sweet to your ears
Feel gentle to your skin
Every now and then you want to let him in
Let thoughts become things
A careless fling
Yeah, you've met him before, that guy

Happy Season - carnival junkie

After effects



The Adventurer



Atlantis



Oh yes it is here - one of the jolliest times of the year - the time of year where I get giddy and lose yet another small piece of my mind (and I freaking love it). The band launched on Saturday and I was center stage (literally) - I had a blast and that began the carnival season for me. God, I love this time of year - the feels of excitement and wonderment, the atmosphere, can not be aptly described with words. Yes, once again it is here - and I am thankful that I am alive to see it and plan on enjoy every minute, every beat, every bass drum, horn, sound, smell - every freaking aspect of carnival.

Losing my religion

Foolishly I've allowed myself to slip into a place I should not be - a place dotted with specs of a familiar place of wretch; putrid, damning to the core. Slide down a slippery slope - unwittingly enjoying the ride, as I watch what I've toiled to build race pass my eyes. Madness, same exercise in futility expecting different results. Foolhardy, ah, but the beauty in repetition is that it has happened before - being caught off guard is but for a moment. So, I'm here again mired in my own convolution of self delusion. Losing myself in the familiar melancholy to find myself on the other end of happiness - or at least a state of I'm ok; or just fine. I've been here before and I know how to manage it - the sun will come out tomorrow and start a new days - like the gradual process of day to night; so to is my process of dusk till dawn.

Inhale - let it out!

I swear it feels sometimes like women do things to intentionally attempt to piss you off. Woooosa!