Slow Learner

It's been a while since I have had to resort to this page as my therapy, so long has it been that I even forgot the blog name. Ha! Sigh, but alas I am here once again, misery loves my blog - there is no company in my misery. Every emotion is a choice, every choice is invariably the mask of the moment. This is not my finest hour, my moments are fleeting, I feel emotionally drained - I am exhausted from conversations and discussions, I am too tired to think or feel.

I had a body snatcher moment this morning on the commute to work, for a brief moment I found myself lost on a familiar road - quite literally driving by rote. Somehow I managed to find myself back in the doldrums. Ah well, such are the consequences of the decisions and choices we make. 

To love or not to love...

If you ever find yourself wondering, trying to make sense of why you love who you love, stop, it is an exercise in futility.

Science will tell you that love is nothing more than the firing of signals in the brain and the release of chemicals. But that still does not aptly capture the logic that one defies in the name of love.

It is debatable whether love is finite, but what is not up for debate is the infinite pain that love can cause on its victims. The tearful sleepless nights, heated arguments, feelings of disappointment and depression.

Love! A four letter word that has brouht the greatest of humans to their knees - weakened their resolve, broken their spirit. Love, another one of the universe's greatest practical jokes - a paradox. Love!

Why?

It is in those moments when you lay in the dark wide awake with your eyes shut listening to the night you ask yourself, why?
In those moments there are more questions than answers, more thoughts than the brain can accomodate, and you wonder, why.
In the darkness the movie rill of the years past flicker, and you wonder, who was the director, who wrote this script, who acted out these scenes, but, it all comes back to why
Why this life, why this emptiness, why are you sitting here alone in the dark, why?

Take no prisoners

This won't be another morbid interlude dotted with melancholy
It won't be another moment of reclusive escape to wallow in self-pity
No, what is life but a learning experience, and experience has been a good teacher
This will be a melancholic interlude, because love is pain, pain is life
Dotted colorfully with callous frivolity and emotional vacancy

Incomplete thought

Your world seems a bit confused, with hews of unhappiness, sprinkled with moments of intense longing for the object of your unhappiness.

The function of your dysfunction seems to be solitude, a life of random lovers and disposable pleasures

No Tears

There will be no tears shed this time

This one was lost long before the last goodbye

No time for grieving as life marches on

No heart felt monologue, no curtain call

No bowed heads or wistful ado

There will be no tears shed this time

Just goodbye, this is the end

Nice to know you, have a good life

No sorrowful regrets, no farewell tryst

No one last drink, sealed with a kiss

No final embrace, no sight of your face

Just goodbye

There will be no tears shed this time

I'm sorry

I'm sorry, makes my heart ache no less
these words appeases the mind and strokes the ego
But turn back time, erase words and dries tears, it does not
I'm sorry, a consolation after words and deeds have reeked havoc with emotions
But, it saves face and displays at least a modicum of care
I'm sorry, two words that you dread to hear, because they're preceded by hurt and despair
Take solace in that, genuine expression of sorrow over pain caused is a sign
A sign of hope, that perhaps, just perhaps, things can get better