Away I Go

She calms my spirit
The thought of her, the sight of her
She brings me to a place of peace
Smiles at me in a way only I can see
And says she will always be here for me
Warm or cool she receives me, problems or no
Soothes my mind with her ebb and flow
Her voice a whisper to my ear, speaks the words I want to hear
Saying everything and nothing, just me, her and my thoughts
The sun shimmering off her turquoise skin and golden hair
It captures every high, every low, every curve, every wave
Her scent fills my lungs, I take her in
Her fragance lingers dancing on the wind
Few can claim to know what it takes to sooth my soul
But she, without effort, intent or guise
Washes away my worries, problems and stress
Just by her presence, scent and caress
I say this with no malice, no ill intent
But no one can sooth me as well as my beach :-)

;ljg;ajgpojkapogjpoajgp

You can tell today is going to be one of these unproductive days. I can appreciate the need for privacy, I can appreciate that not all things should be in the public domain but I can not appreciate the notion that I should pretend that everything is always right in the world of Earl. Now, I'm back to being upset. I don't like being upset. Maybe I have anger management issues, who knows - I have a lot of issues, some I will admit to, most I won't. Fuck it, this is a waste of time. I need to clear my head - going for a drive to fucking nowhere.

I need you

I need you now, not yesterday not tomorrow but now
I need to feel you against me, your warm breath on my skin, soft lips at my ear
I need to feel your fingers trace my body, your tongue tease me
What must I do to have you
Have you kiss me straddle me and slide me inside
I need to feel you hot, wet and pulsing all around me
I need to hear sounds of pleasure escape your mouth
In how many ways can I tell you and show you
I need you, I need your body next to mine, sweating and entwined
I need to hear you cum, feel you shake hear you pant
Baby, I need you now

Why don't you.

Same shit different year

This is a trip down memory lane, I can't help but smile as I take in the scene. It seems almost like a right of massage. Testosterone, estrogen, alcohol and music - a combination like no other. I don't miss those years (or these limes - I have slightly different limes now), I'm happy that I experienced them though. Life experiences good and not so good mold you. Today (21 Dec. 2010) my nephew turned 25 - I was doing this same shit at his age now, difference is when I was doing it I took him along with me. Do the math. He's been indoctrinated for some time now. Damn, maybe I introduced him to the life too early, oh well, what is done is done, fuck it. And the cycle continues. I write this now almost with a feeling of pride (almost, with a dash of amusement) - the mischief continues (nature or nurture). Fuck I'm twisted (sometimes). Happy 25th Birthday to Miguel Marlon Joseph (you'll always be Gabriel to me). Love you buddy.

Beauty abound

I've said it before many times, in many ways, but there is no reason I can not say it again. Damn, St. Lucia has some gorgeous women - I thank thee indeed that I was born with eyes to see these things (no offence meant, just using the words from the song; my beautiful Lucian women are not things - you'll a certainly not possessions). I honestly don't envy single men out there - with the bevy of beauties walking these streets, the safer more sane thing to do is be "committed".

Seriously, I thing if I were single there would be non-stop drama in my life; I would want to make every one of these fine women my woman. Of course that would be impossible, I would try to share myself - but alas, there is only so much of me to go around.

I got married because I wanted to, but I have over the years come to the realisation that it is a risk mitigation technique. It reduces and in some cases all together eliminates the drama that comes with multiple relationships. :-) LMFAO

But damn, we have some beautiful women here. I can watch and don't touch. :-) For true, I can ;-)

Not in a vaccum

The things we so desperately want most are sometimes the hardest to obtain. Rightly so if you really want something you should be willing to work hard for it so that once it is obtained you may better appreciate it (at least so I've been told). But is that always the cause though? Sometimes we find that what we want so badly and then finally obtain are on occasion bitter disappointments; not only in what it turned out to be, but also from the lack of satisfaction and absence of a sense of reward of accomplishment. No intrinsic value.

Is there a reason the seemingly unattainable is kept out of reach? Do we always need what we want and conversely do we want what we need? On occasion one must assess the reason/drive behind so desperately wanting that seemingly unattainable - and go further to assess the means by which it is pursued. Does the end justify the means?

I think some of my wants are or seem to be unattainable and probably rightly should remain so because they may be to my detriment to have - truly it is a case of you can't always get what you want. But, I'll find just what I need.

Heavy is the mind of the man who carries burdens that are not his own. That thought swirled through my mind this morning - I think I know why, but I won't admit it to myself, at least not out loud and certainly not it black on white.

Dreadlock gal

"You irie deh?" Said the dreadlock gal in the twilight of her youth with the unnatural space tooth, either as a result poor dental hygiene or some physical altercation. "...dats your bruhda inside deh..."..."You can dance well..." These suspicious words entered my ears bounced about my head while being interpreted and analyzed for the real reason behind this conversation. And then it came.

"My pressure good..." She continued. "Then you should start drinking water." I replied. "Me nah, more rum." She said as she swung her hips to the beat of the music while allowing her dreads to flow freely around and intermittently brush against my glass of Hennessy (I dare not look down - lest I were to see her hair in my drink). "I want a beer." She said glancing over in my direction while I stared out into space, hoping she would note that I was oblivious to her and her subtle request. But alas, this dreadlock gal with weathered hands,  fingers and wrist adorned with gold,  nails seemingly trimmed down low  by teeth, in her pink spaghetti strap blouse, blue peddle pushers jeans and black sandals was persistent. She reached into her pocket and covertly looked my way, "leh me see if I have money for a beer" she said. Wow, hold on, is me you want to buy you a drink, I thought. How is me? My thoughts continued, I eh know you from nowhere you dance with my padnuh not me, why you eh check him. Next ting I buy you a drink and is me you want to stick on - who leave dat for me, just so. Woman you better try to buy yourself a drink.

My thoughts are most times harsher than my words.

The dreadlock gal pushed her hand in her pocket pulled out $9 (I think, I noticed either a blue or green note and four coins). She quickly placed the paper currency back into her pocket and laid out the coins on the railing. Even counted each, pushing each counted coin in my direction, as if to say - this is all I have, organise me uhh. Clearly oblivious that I had mentally stepped out of that conversation and any involvement in the dialogue was cursory - the empty road was more intresting.

I think she eventually got the message and the dreadlock gal, took her coins, placed them back into her pocket and disappeared (reminds me of a song my former calypso king The Educator). That was my cue to take my tired ass to my home, and that was the most memorable experience of my first country and western dance at some time after 1 or 2am on the 13th of December 2010. The music was notable also, in a tragic heartbreaking neurotic and suicidal sought of way. The country enthusiast are as excited about their music as the young club goers are about theirs.

Oh well to each his own I suppose, but country is most definately not my own.

Arrrrgh moments

I dislike this emotion that consumes me, I dislike that I am unsure what it is and from whence it emanates, most of all I dislike that I have little control over it. It feels foreign to me, this is not something I can recall experiencing before, in my thirty odd years on this earth and in the decade or more since I started to better understand myself, I am yet to understand this. Why, what is it, and more importantly how can I stop it. I do not, I repeat I do not like not having control or understanding of my thoughts and emotions. It disturbs me and is liable to cause me much displeasure. I must find a way to arrest this dis-ease of thought and feeling before it becomes like a cancer.

Happy Birthday to ME :-)

Today I turned 33 (chronologically) - physically, emotionally, spiritually I feel no different from yesterday or last year or the year before that or the year before that (well not totally - there has been some spiritual growth, pain takes longer to go away; harder to ignore and injuries take longer to heal; my emotional growth is relative and dependent on a number of unpredictable variables, that statement alone speaks for itself). So yes, 33 years of age - I am advancing along in maturity like wine, I'm getting better to the point where I am as sharp as vinegar.

This was one of my first birthdays that I did not remember, my sister (Shawnette) and Sofie were the ones who reminded me and kept asking what I was doing - if I told them nothing they would have been disappointed, so I said something. I was not really feeling my birthday, still not sure that I am, but, as the clock moved to and past midnight, I lay in the darkest and quiet of my room and said a silent prayer (yes I do pray). I was thankful that I was alive to see another birthday, made it through another year and was blessed to be surrounded by people who love me; I was thankful for all that I have, and I came to the realization that I am truly fortunate - I am wealthy. I say this with a smile and a feeling of peace and gratitude - these moments of peace are not frequent in my life, at least not this type of peace, which makes me even more grateful for this moment.

33, how many more to go, I do not know, but if the next 33 is as interesting and blessed as the last, I anxiously look forward to them. Thank you my great North Wind for everything and everyone in my life that makes it worth living and makes it the tremendous joy it is.